A Brand New Day

IS IT ME!
I can’t get beyond the fog to a place where

there are no more unseen strings that keep me from

achieving my highest. I reach, but I can’t seem to touch.

I look but I can’t seem to focus.

When I try to push beyond my present reality

there is something telling me that now is all I will ever be.

Is it Me?
What is it that tells me that I can do what

I don’t know how to do? Where do I get these

notions that I am majestic, strong,

and resourceful? Who plants these seeds

of greatness in me, and stays just beyond

my consciousness, silently leading me beyond the fog?

Is it Me?

What dark forces reside within me that keep me

from thinking, feeling, and making the right moves so that

I can claim the promises of God?

IT IS ME!

(c) by Dr. PJones, 2005, Jacksonville, NC

Imagine how disappointed I was when I finally realized that I was the one holding me back from claiming all of the promises of God. I hovered in the darkness that was planted into my psychic forged by years of internalized oppressions, but I didn't allow myself to let the positives that I received from many people to have a significant impact on me. However, on some level, the seeds were planted because it was always at the back of my mind that someday I would make a real contribution to society. I didn't know how because I didn't think I had anything significant to offer, but that burning desire was always there. For many years, I allowed my life to be tied in with the fate of others, such as my husband, my family and my disabled son. I managed to accomplish a good education, and I developed some of my God given talents, but I still felt impeded. I had to wait until I got older before this truth slapped me hard in the face. After much introspection, I realized it was ME who really held me back.

December 31st, marks the beginning of me taking my own life into my hands. I will retire from my Federal job and step out on my faith. Today, I made my my first real accomplishment toward my new life after work! I joined the Red Hat Society to be able to find new friends and to have someone to do things with. I am excited about that because I have been so involved in helping others until I just haven't had any real fun for years. I managed to get a little recreation in, every once in a while, but nothing of an special quality. I was afraid to spend the money because of my son. Now that he is on his way to independence, I am free to pursue some of my own dreams and aspirations.

I edited my new play, "Peace in the Midst of the Storm," that speaks to life's challenges and how they serve to empower us to be dynamic human beings. I am so excited to share my journeys with others who are on the same path, and I praise God for allowing me to survive to make a difference in this world. I will hold the first meeting tomorrow, December 29th, and there are a few people who are interested, but I need more. So, if you are reading this, and if you are interested, please e-mail me.

Go in Peace!

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