Walk a Mile in My Shoes

Who’s watching my back?

I believe, as a Black woman, that I have it made over the man.

I play my role well as the protector, caretaker and nurturer. I listen to the rhetoric
of my dear, sweet brothers and fashioned myself into a collage
of what I have heard that they want. But, when I look around
me, the decent qualities that they said that they wanted are not
in demand. I still stand alone and I wonder to myself...
Who’s watching my back?

Now, I have discovered that all alone, according to the experts,
I have been aiding and abetting the demise of the male child. I
did this single-handily because there was no man around to
lend support. I look into my heart and soul and ask myself,
was I supposed to do this alone and after all,
Who’s watching my back?

Dr. Pearlie Jones @2006, Jacksonville, NC

I wrote the above poem because of the challenges that I faced in raising a special needs child to adulthood. He was diagnosed as LLD and hyperactive in the second grade. Now as an adult, he has been diagnosed with ADHD, agoraphobia social phobia, depression and anxiety. These mental impairments have prevented him from succeeding in all areas of his life. No one believed that anything was wrong with him and I received absolutely no support from family, most of my friends and associates. Even a significant number of mental health professionals advised me to just walk away from him, and I refused to do that because I knew that he needed professional help.

Today, December 20th marked an important milestone in my journey because I finally got a social service agency to listen to me and they are helping him to become a functional individual helping him in areas that I could not. This is the most empowering experience for me as a person and a parent. I am so glad that I did not do as I was advised since he was sixteen years old, just walk away. I have been his sole support and friend his whole life and I couldn't see throwing an intelligent human being away because his challenges impacted every part of my life as well as his. But preference has paid off.

I am writing this also as an inspiration to others who are experiencing the challenge of raising a special needs child with no psychic support and unable to get the professional help they need and cannot afford the expensive treatments. There are programs available, but consistency, diligence and a tough constitution are needed to hang in there until you get what you want. I know that this is just the beginning to his recovery but I don't feel alone anymore.

I wonder if some of the violence among our young men could be prevented if parents and especially single mothers could have had to foresight, fortitude to continue even against the odds. I also wonder if those well meaning advisers ever feel any responsibility for helping a young man's demise because they do not understand his challenges; and constantly badger the parent with negatives on her parenting skills. I just want to ask them in their hour of need, and there will be some in one category or the other,

"WHO’S WATCHING YOUR BACK?"